A Break...Please!!

I sat at his hospital bed watching him motionless, the rhythmic blip of six different machines hooked up to his head, his chest, his finges, and beyond playing a me song unlike any other. As the minutes passed into half-hours, and half-hours into hours, hours into days, I sat and watched. I watched as he was wheeled to the testing room and then back up to his quarters in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU), and then back to the testing room, and then back to the PICU. I watched as he was taken into the surgery prep room, and then back to the PICU. Through all the pain of a brain surgery I watched him suffer with headaches, backaches, dizziness, depression--hoping somehow that God would give me back my little brother. Hoping somehow that I could do more than just "watch". But even as the days jumbled into one horrific lump of pain and anguish, watching was all I had to offer.

I watched, I watched, I WATCHED!!

His pain persisted.

I WATCHED!

A month later and he was back in the same place he started? Back into a state of limbo? My little brother? Three months ago, I would never have believed it.

I sat in a different room of the PICU. This one was colder than the last, and again the machines blipped their song. Blip...Blip...Blip. I began to understand words like "shunt", and "hydrocephalus", and "ventricle", and "papilloma", for they were the only words my brain could think to remember. Blip...Blip...Blip...

A week later I got my little brother back.

I thank God for seeing my family and I through these tough times, and can only pray for all those experiencing something similar. When your world feels like it is falling down around you, that you hold fast to hope and faith and love. Cling to those that love you, and do all you can do to support them, even if all you can do is watch.